Welcome Maisie Pearl Phillips-Carlson

Looking at the headline for this post I’m sure there are some of you thinking, “But Mary… didn’t you just celebrate Maisie’s first birthday?!” I know, I know. But better late than never to share how she joined us in this world!

Four days before I was set to be induced, we welcomed our daughter Maisie Pearl Phillips-Carlson, on October 8, 2021. And what a difference a year can make! On October 8, 2020 I shared on Instagram about the miscarriage of our first frozen embryo transfer. I’m glad to have a happier set of emotions tied to this date now :)

I didn’t have many set goals for my labor or delivery experience. I was open to it all because I ultimately wanted a healthy baby and to be ok myself when everything was done. We were scheduled for an induction on October 11, but my amniotic fluid started to leak around noon on October 7. It was a Thursday and I was up in our home office working. Friday, October 8 was going to be my last day in the office, and I had three things left on my pre-maternity leave checklist that I really wanted to get finished. Kurt had just hollered up to me to let me know lunch was ready. I went to use the bathroom before heading downstairs, and when I stood up after finishing I felt more fluid leak out. I sat down and stood up again a couple of times, experiencing the same thing each time, and thought, “this is odd…” and put on a maxi-pad to help absorb the fluids.

I went downstairs and told Kurt I thought my water had broken, explaining what had just happened in the bathroom. We decided I should call my OBGYN office to see what their thoughts were, and they asked me to come in to be evaluated right away. Kurt and I decided it would probably be a good idea for me to eat something before heading to the OBGYN office, so we had lunch - chili and cornbread - before we left. Upon arrival, I was seen by one of the doctor’s who I had seen a couple of times during my pregnancy. She tested the fluids and confirmed that it was amniotic fluid leaking which meant my water had broken! She also checked my cervix and we found I was not dilated at all. Because of this, I was diagnosed with Premature Rupture of Membranes (PROM). I was told to leave the OBGYN office and head straight to the hospital so I could get checked in to labor and delivery and start the induction process to see if my body could catch up. After the doctor gave those instructions, I burst into tears - not because I was excited to finally meet our baby girl, or nervous about the induction and labor process. No, I burst into tears because I wasn’t going to be able to finish my pre-maternity leave checklist at work! After the doctor stepped out of the exam room to let the hospital know I would be on my way, I asked Kurt if he thought I could go home and finish my work day anyway. He said no, so off to the hospital we went.

The last bump photo I took before we went to the obgyn office to confirm my water had broken!

I remember getting to the waiting room in the labor and delivery unit at the hospital and immediately being nervous. We hadn’t brought any of our hospital bags with us, the car seat wasn’t actually in the car, and we had planned for the upcoming weekend to be a project weekend at home so we could finish some built-in shelves in our bedroom to maximize our storage space and make more room for the bassinet. Sitting there, I immediately started rattling off things to Kurt that he was going to have to go home and do after I got checked in. Eventually Jade, my labor and delivery nurse, came out to the waiting room to greet us and take us back to our room. She was so, so nice and meeting her immediately helped to put me at ease a bit. At some point after getting into our room and getting changed into the hospital gown, Kurt called my mom to let her know where we were. He and I had decided that she could come and hang out with me as the induction process got started and he could go home and get our things, and try to finish some of the built-in shelves project we were going to work on. I had a feeling that things were going to take a while, so I wasn’t concerned at all that he was going to miss anything important.

I sent this photo to my friend Gina after getting all set up in bed - it’s the only photo I took during the entire labor process!

My mom joined us at the hospital in time for dinner. She helped me get a meal ordered and we hung out as the induction medications started to kick in. As the on call doctor’s made their rounds and introduced themselves we talked about a timeline. Because I had PROM, we had basically a 24 hour window to labor within before we’d have to talk about a C-section. I was willing to give it that full 24 hours, but I made it pretty clear that I probably was not going to be comfortable going beyond that. We agreed we’d do cervical checks every couple of hours to see if anything was happening and then finetune our plan as we went on with the induction.

At 8:30pm I remember starting to feel pretty uncomfortable. I was doing a live guided labor meditation through an app I had been using throughout pregnancy, and I was glad to have the guided opportunity for breathing and calming down because the pain was starting to increase pretty significantly. Kurt made it back to the hospital later that evening to take over and my mom went home. She was going to come back in the morning, so Kurt and I tried to get comfortable for the overnight hours and get some rest. He had no problems doing so. I, on the other hand, could not get comfortable. My contractions, while they were irregular, were getting stronger and I was in a lot of pain. I also wasn’t getting any relief from the low doses of pain medication they were offering through the IV. The overnight nurse checked on me frequently, helping me change positions - lowering and raising the bed, helping me move to a chair at one point - in an effort to help me sleep, but none of it really worked. At the cervical check that happened between 2 and 3am the doctor shared that I still was not dilated at all. We talked about continuing until noon, and making the decision at that point about what to do. I was pretty clear during that conversation that if we got to noon and nothing had progressed that I was going to ask for a C-section.

We made it through just over 24 hours of induction during which I progressed from 0cm to 1cm dilated, even though I was having those strong, but somewhat irregular, contractions. I also developed preeclampsia symptoms during the final hours of the induction. When that noon cervical check happened on October 8, we had our final discussion of options and reviewed how things had gone so far - weighing the risks of infection for both of us if we continued to labor because my water had broken more than 24 hours previous, the increasing risks of preeclampsia, and the fact that my body was not being cooperative anyway - I ultimately said, “I don’t want to do this anymore, I’m ready to meet this baby. Let’s do a C-section!”

the last photo of Kurt and me before we became parents!

It took a couple of hours between making the decision to have a C-section and actually making our way back to the operating room. The induction medications were stopped immediately and I had some relief from the contractions. During the time we were waiting to be prepped for surgery, Kurt got changed into scrubs, the anesthesiologist came to introduce himself and explain what was going to happen, and we packed up all of our things so the nursing team could eventually move them to our new room on the Mother-Baby unit after Maisie was born. My mom did a great job of keeping me distracted during the waiting, showing me videos of my nephew saying funny things. I was so glad that both she and Kurt were able to be with me during the labor process.

When we were eventually wheeled back to the operating room, I had to go in first alone to have the spinal block administered and get all hooked up to the delivery table. Kurt was brought in after things were all set. I didn’t entirely realize it at the time, but he told me later that he and the anesthesiologist were the only men in the room. The entire operating and nursing teams were all women. He told me he was just in awe of the entire production, and that it felt really special to have a baby girl be delivered by a group of really awesome women.

Once the actual surgery began, I remember feeling like the room was really quiet. The nurse who was up by my head kept telling me to breathe, and that if I felt like I was going to get sick at any point I should yell really loudly. I told her I thought I would be fine, that I was just anxious to know that my baby was ok. Kurt kept stroking my face and telling me that everything was going to be ok. He didn’t look over the curtain much at all and really stayed focused on me throughout the entire process - he says that he knew there wasn’t going to be anything he could have done if things went wrong, and he was so confident in the women that were operating that he knew his job was really to make sure I felt ok. After what was probably a couple of minutes after things had started I remember feeling a slight tugging feeling and then having an immediate feeling like I was going to get sick. I yelled to the nurse by my head and she grabbed a bag and told me to turn my head if I needed to. Moments later the feeling subsided and someone announced in the room that Maisie was born! I remember asking Kurt over and over again if she was ok because I didn’t hear her cry right away. He told me she was just fine and that the nurses were cleaning her up. Then all of a sudden there she was, on my chest, all squishy and pink!

our first photo as a family of three :)

Maisie was born at 2:54pm weighing 9lbs 6.6oz, and measuring 21 inches long. I remember as they were holding her up above the curtain so I could see her the nurse by my head saying, “Gosh it’s a good thing you ended up in here - she would have been a difficult baby to deliver otherwise!”. Hearing those words gave me a sense of reassurance - I had a feeling throughout my entire pregnancy that I was going to deliver via C-section, and I’m glad that my intuition and ability to advocate for myself when the moment presented itself aligned.

October is Pregnancy, Infant and Child Loss Awareness Month, and I’d be lying if I said this whole experience of losing a child in October of 2020 and then birthing a child in October of 2021 wasn’t an emotional one. The loss of one daughter led us to the arrival of Maisie, and it’s hard to not be grateful and sad all at the same time. Even a year later again, I am a mix of extreme sadness and happiness still. To those of you navigating all of the feelings of this month, know that I am right there with you.